A storm is coming

And I don't just mean the one that is forecast for tomorrow. I mean the one that is going to happen in this apartment. The beans dad and I are heading in a direction that's not really good. We had our first really bad fight the other night. It's been a long time since we had one. Basically we both told each other where the door was if the other wasn't happy. I'm not leaving, he can go if he wants but he will not be taking MY son. So right now we are staying put. But if things don't change and I mean really change, he can go.

See we have been together now for 12 years, we are NOT married and we never will be. This way it's less paper work if I decided I want to leave. He will have to always pay for his son he won't get away from that. But I need a partner that is going to help me raise my son not just growl at him because he's not doing what he thinks that he should.

I don't think that it helps that we have been sick for 2 weeks and the job interview that he went on didn't pan out. I know that he's under stress about that but if he would have listened to me months ago and started to look for work instead of riding out his unemployment enjoyment we wouldn't be in this mess.

Ah life what to do?
One of these days I might just be able to figure it out.
But right now... Life Sucks... Tomorrow has to be better.

Ugggg...

So here we are it's a new year and I'm still dealing with the old crap. No matter what I do I will always be on the outs with someone. I have a habit of pissing people off without even trying. Take this one for an example. I missed my dad's birthday due to the fact that little man was up at 4 am and stayed up for the entire day. He was cranky, I was cranky and I know that meltdowns would be all over the place. People who don't live with a child with ASD have no idea what it is like. I can tell you but until you live in my apartment and are woken up by a child crying and you don't know why then you don't know.

I have been told that I am ungrateful because of all the things that my parents do for me. The very least that I could do was show up at a birthday dinner. It's not like we don't do this once or more a freaking month. I really can't take much more from that front.

To top it off Bean's dad is still looking for work and he will soon be out of Unemploment Insurance which leaves us screwed. He's gone on interviews but no call backs. All I can do is hope and pray that something will happen soon or god help me I'm going to have to do something that I never wanted to do.

Why is it that some people can fall in a pile of shit and come out smelling like a rose, and I fall in it and almost choke to death on the peanuts?