It's Raining... again.

So we have been having heavy rain now for 2 days straight and from what I understand the rest of the weekend as well. That means that I have to find something for the bean to do today. He's stuck in this rut as bad as I am. His daddy is taking another nap! Which is normal for him to do everyday. Since being laid off over a year ago he's gotten into his own rut. Which he needs to get out of soon.

The bean hasn't been out side to play for a couple of days so now he's starting to go shack wacky. I might have him help me do some laundry just so he can run up and down the hallways.

He doesn't know that he's going back to "school" next week but every day he says at the least No School today to which we answer NOPE!

We have only been up 5 hours and have had at least 3 fights, potty time, breakfast and what to play.

I'm sure by the end of the day we will have fought 10 more times.

Oh well such is the life of a child with ASD!

In a rut...

It seems like we have fallen into a rut around here. Since I pulled The Bean outta preschool twice a week because of the last major meltdown/panic attack he had we have been doing the same thing day in and day out. It's normal for Autistic's to want to follow the same patterns over and over but it sometimes becomes too much.

We go through the same thing with food, that is when he wants to eat. He used to take his one a day vitamin no problem now he's fighting me about it every day. So what are we doing taking a break for now and starting again next week.

It seems like everything is one step forward and 5 steps back. But all we can do is keep trying to move forward we will get where we are going sometime.

So next week we will be going back to preschool so we can get outta this rut, I know that we will be having melt downs and fits. I have a plan for that, it seems like I've made more plans in the past few years so we know what to do. Like not making the bean wait around for things to begin and when he gets there to have him engaged in something so we don't have to deal with the meltdown that will come.

I keep telling myself that one of these days life will become some what easier. I hope.

But then all I have is Hope and as long as I have hope I know that I can deal with the rut.

Happy Flippin' Thanksgiving

If having a child with autism isn't hard enough... add in the fact that his father hates my father and flat out refuses to spend any holidays there. So what happens, I go to everything by myself. He even frigged off half way through the beans birthday with his mother and aunt.

I'm getting tired of it. So tried, it takes alot outta me dealing with the bean that I don't have alot to give to his father. But when this crap happens time and again he can't figure out why I flat out refuse to go to his parents for any thing. I can't even have a private conversation with my friends on the phone.

So here we go around again with more holidays coming up. If something doesn't change then we will become part of the stats. And our bean will be raised in 2 different homes.

Saturday Blues...

So here it is Saturday, which used to be the funnest day of the week when I was a kid. Now it's just the day of the week where there is more house work then time. To top it all off, the Bean, myself and his daddy are all sick and it's raining. So really my get up and go has got up and went but it really forgot to take me with it.

We have to work on some speech soon and do lunch but really all I want to do is take a nap... oh naps how I miss you! The bean gave them up a couple of years ago. The saddest time ever is when your baby gives up napping that means you haven't got that break in the middle of the day. On the other hand it does mean that they go to bed earlier at night which is a bonus.

The big thing today is the yelling that is going on out side. Every time Beans hears it he sets off which means I have to close all of the windows and on this stuffy type of day it's killer in here. So as it stands right now this problem with hearing other children yell is the hardest one for us to try and concore we don't know why he has this fear but we keep trying to help him through it.

I guess it didn't help that he's an only child and that alot of these noises are new for him but at 5 they aren't that new. The professionals keep telling me it's because children his age and younger are so unpredictable. I think that they are full of crap, I think that it's because it really does hurt the beans ears. SO off we go again to visit with the audiologist. Which will be a trip to hell and back I know this.

Why does Autism have to be such a hateful disease I will never know. I just know that I need to get all the help that I can for my son, even if most of the people I deal with are dipshits.

From the start I worried.

From the very start I have worried. Worried that you weren't growing well when I was pregnant. Worried because of a single umbilical vessel that could lead to so many problems. I was worried that you would come early and you did. I worried when they told me you had jaundice and were tongue tied and we would have to say in the hospital for 5 days.

I worried when we got home from the hospital to find out that we had to move in 2 weeks. And then we ended up living with my parents for 6 weeks. I worried because you didn't cry for food but growled and then you would shake for no reason. They told me it was because you didn't have time to fully develop your nervous system and it would go away with time and it did. I was scared to death when at 8 months old you had the chicken pox and didn't cry. I worried every time we would go out and you would stare up at the fans or the lights in the ceiling. I worried when you didn't start to talk on time. But you did learn to crawl and walk on time so I didn't worry then or when you would eat everything that I gave you.

I nearly lost my mind when at 14 month you had to have surgery for a hydracyle repair. When you weren't talking or looking at me when I called you by name I was going through a new worry. Then I started to talk to people, and I knew that this wasn't right at all. That is when we did the hearing test and no you weren't deaf. Then I knew for sure what was wrong but really didn't want to admit it to myself. Autism.

Then we were on to an entire new set of worries. Would you ever talk? Would you ever learn to sleep alone? Would you ever learn to use the bathroom? Would you ever... be able to live on your own?

Then we get the first initial diagnosis Autism... but right at this time we were worried because just 2 months before your 3rd birthday and 3 days after this news you ended up in the hospital because of cold sores. We were there for a week and had to deal with pain, dehydration and you not eating. If you didn't start to eat then you would have a feeding tube. Thank goodness for goldfish crackers they saved us from that. Now we worry because you only eat a few things and not enough.

We had to wait to get the formal diagnosis, 8 long months. Then speech therapy, Early Intensive behavior interventions and more colds and flu than we can shake a stick at. Now you have a chipped tooth from mouthing... you have an irrational fear of going to the dentist, doctor, small children, sounds of small children and birds.

Life as we know it will never be the same, yes I knew that I would worry when I was pregnant with you... Now I worry every day FOR you.