Something as simple as soup..

At lunch time it's the hardest thing to figure out what to give the Bean to eat. Today it's Mega noodle chicken soup by Campbell's. And the dear sweet little boy is eating it, minus the liquid but he's eating something different for a change and he's having a cheese bun with it.

After the morning we just had shopping and the meltdown that ensued I'm brought to tears watching my Bean eat something that every other kid in the world has no problem with.

Who knew something as simple as soup could make me so happy.

What may never be...

As I sit here tonight and have some quiet time to my self I have been thinking of the future and what may never be. It's really upsetting to think this way and I know that I really shouldn't but I've gone there and I might as well get it out.

As I sit and think about what I wanted for my son Autism was never one of them. I thought that he would be what ever he wanted to be, play with all of the kids and be part of the gang grow up have girlfriends get married and have kids of his own. That may never happen and that makes me so sad.

The world that I wanted for him may never exist, I don't know only time will tell. But then again he may surprise me just one more time.
He did when I got pregnant with him, he did when he made it through that horrible ordeal with my pre eclampsia and HELLP Syndrome, having to spend a week under the lights for photo therapy, then there have been the surgeries and trips to the hospital. He has surprised me each and every time.

He's a strong willed little boy, the light of my life and this is the road less traveled and sometimes I really wished that this road had been boarded off and we were never steered down it... but here we are on this bumpy dirt ride and there is NO way to get off of it. But I do see the light each and every time I look deep into those sweet brown eyes with the beautiful smile.

What may never be... and what could have been are now gone.
It is WHAT IS that matters now.

I feel the need to wring a neck...

The one that my brother's head sits upon!

The little dingbat decided to give me a call this morning to ask me if I would like to come to his house this evening for supper with all the family for my parents anniversary. Which isn't such a good thing for me right now because The Daddy has to go to work early tonight and The Beaner goes to bed between 7 and 7:30 not to mention... there is enough rain out there to start a monsoon and well when it gets dark out it's going to turn to black ice. One of the perils of living on the east coast of Canada in the winter time.

SO ... thanks for the call .... now get over here so I can string you up for waking me and my son up when I KNOW HE WOULD HAVE SLEPT IN TODAY!

Another Day Goes By..

So another day is coming to an end. I'm waiting to watch The Tudor's here in a bit. The bean is in bed and so is his daddy so I'm sitting here with a little bit of time on my hands. Which is something that I do enjoy.

So the great debate about weather we are going to have a real of fake tree is now at an end. We will be getting a new fake tree this weekend to put up. It just make some strange scents to me to do it this way. I know that it's better for the environment to go with a real tree because that can be recycled and the fake ones can't, but when you have a child that is 3 and you know he's not going to leave the tree alone do you really want to be cleaning up water from the tree as well as the needles? I know that I don't want to go there. So fake it will be!

So about a month ago me and the daddy were sitting here in the living room and I saw something from the corner of my eye. Well my eyes play tricks on me from time to time so I didn't make anything of it until it happened again a few days later and I saw what it was... a little field mouse. Now that's nothing huge but we live on the 3rd floor of an apartment building. So I freaked out a bit and got some traps for him. Well Henry (as I call him now) managed to get past the traps. I hadn't seen him for a couple of weeks and then last week he was back and this time he did a runner across the floor for Daddy to see.... Well you would have thought that it was a huge rat or something. He had me call the super about it so we could have the exterminators come in, well the never did make it here they missed the appointment and I told the super not to worry about it because Henry hasn't been around since that night. To find out that he had been two timing on me with a tenant downstairs so I think that Henry met with his own dastardly end... I really should have called it Anne.

If the world were a potato...

Then my son would eat it.

My goodness the Bean is going to drive me insane with his eating. He will not eat anything that is of any nutritional value. Which means he pretty much lives on potatoes why you ask because they are "white" and safe. It is the only thing that his daddy and I can figure out. He will not eat anything cold, which means no ice cream or popcycles when he is sick, the only way that I can get him to eat an egg is if I make french toast. With pancakes I add bran to it so I know that he is getting some fiber that way and he will sometimes when he feels like it eat peaches. Lunch can drive me as crazy as suppers. I don't know what to do any more. Aside from standing on my head which I would do if it meant that he would eat what I put in front of him.

I am lucky that he will eat a gummy vitamin that is a major bonus. And he does drink alot of full fat milk and apple juice.

I would love any ideas that would help with this.

Parents... Oh why bother

I have pretty much had it with my parents right now.
It seems that every time that I call they are to busy with the other grandkido's... hells bells they don't even ask how the bean is doing unless I tell them.

So why do I bother?
I don't know, it's not like I had the best of childhoods. To hear my mother talk about it now you would think that everything was peachy keen... she must have forgot. I can't even say that it's old age because she's only 54 yes she had me at 17 and she was from the age of hitting and yes I got it alot.

So why do I get upset about them not taking an interest in my son?
I don't know why I want to make them happy.
I don't know.

It's not that I'm jealous I just feel like he gets left out all the time. There are 2 other kidlets that were born after him and they get all the attention. Mine gets left out all the time much like me and his dad.

Oh well, My Parents are my mess and I'm not going to let them influence my son's life.... so why bother letting it get me down.

If I could oh how I would..

There are days when I swear that I am going to lose my mind. As much as I love the Bean and his daddy, they both drive me crazy.

I'm still trying to finish off the Christmas stuff. Not going very well since I have no idea what to get for who and where I'm going to get it from.

Then I finally get the call that I have been waiting for since July... My Bean has an official appointment with the Autism team this is the best news that I have had in for ever. Mind you I had to call and be a nice pushy about getting him in. I swear that it is harder to get into this clinic then it is to win the lotto. But oh how good it feels to have some light coming my way.

There are days though that I wish that I could wave a magic wand and make it all go away Oh if I could. We wouldn't be in this spot and my son... well I wouldn't be so afraid for him. I know that I shouldn't be this afraid of things but I guess that it's part of the process of learning how to deal with every thing. It's hard, it is the hardest thing that I have ever had to learn to do. Be a mom to a son with Autism. Unless you are one, you have no idea what it feels like.

My own mother has no idea, she thinks that she does.
Most of my family treat the bean different then the rest of the kids. Heck they won't let me tell the rest of the kids that he is Autistic I don't know if that is a good idea or not. I haven't told alot of people IRL. They don't seem to understand. They nod there heads make a clucking sound and tell me that I can handle it and he'll be ok.

I know that he will be okay. I'll make sure of that.