What may never be...

As I sit here tonight and have some quiet time to my self I have been thinking of the future and what may never be. It's really upsetting to think this way and I know that I really shouldn't but I've gone there and I might as well get it out.

As I sit and think about what I wanted for my son Autism was never one of them. I thought that he would be what ever he wanted to be, play with all of the kids and be part of the gang grow up have girlfriends get married and have kids of his own. That may never happen and that makes me so sad.

The world that I wanted for him may never exist, I don't know only time will tell. But then again he may surprise me just one more time.
He did when I got pregnant with him, he did when he made it through that horrible ordeal with my pre eclampsia and HELLP Syndrome, having to spend a week under the lights for photo therapy, then there have been the surgeries and trips to the hospital. He has surprised me each and every time.

He's a strong willed little boy, the light of my life and this is the road less traveled and sometimes I really wished that this road had been boarded off and we were never steered down it... but here we are on this bumpy dirt ride and there is NO way to get off of it. But I do see the light each and every time I look deep into those sweet brown eyes with the beautiful smile.

What may never be... and what could have been are now gone.
It is WHAT IS that matters now.